


Leave Me Your Stardust To Remember You By

by quietdetective



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Dave is sorta oblivious, Depression, Emotional Repression, Hurt/Comfort, John is Not Okay, M/M, Multichapter, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, The title is lyrics from the song Boats and Birds by Gregory and The Hawk, Tragedy, cause he is in all my storiea, john is autistic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-06 02:32:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8731384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietdetective/pseuds/quietdetective
Summary: Sometimes you get the urge to just change everything. Make it all better, or sometimes make it worse.When you go with the urge, it can go either way.You never anticipated it being too late to do either.Dave Strider thinks his life is fine. He is king of a kingdom he doesn't remember and all his friends are monarchs too. Three years of his life are missing, him not being able to recall them at all. Neither can his friends. A problem arises when one of them is hurt. One of them ends up in the hospital dying, and Dave finds letters all addressed to him, holding secrets that weren't meant to be revealed anytime soon.*THIS IS THE NEW BOATS AND BIRDS I JUST WANTED TO CHANGE THE NAME AND NEVER REALLY LIKED THE SUMMARY FOR THE OTHER*





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I Can Make You Love Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/950200) by [ectoBisexual](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ectoBisexual/pseuds/ectoBisexual). 



> BRAND NEW! HOPEFULLY IMPROVED!  
> I will continue writing this fic for real. I might just have this chapter up for a long time though, cause I wanna make sure I am completely happy with the rest before publishing, unlike last time! I hope you enjoy and think it is good. I tried my best. Thank you anyone who supported my other work. This one is hopefully worth it ^^

It started off as a normal day. You were just on your way to a date; you and your boyfriend decided it was for a movie this time instead of dinner or the like.  It helped that it was a bit cheaper than the other options, though you are rolling in loot you both aren’t big spenders. There was no real reason to, unless it was for something you really wanted after all. It was also just something to do, though you couldn’t easily ignore the feeling that you forgot something important about today.

It was a fine April evening, considering that the day was full of blowing snow and bone chilling winds. It just stopped a couple minutes ago, as well as the snow that was covering the streets. It was so pretty you wished you brought a camera to remember the moment. Phones can only do so much in preserving the quality of such an amazing sight. It was pretty, the street lights illuminating the otherwise dark road, the snow still blowing gently around. The snow seemed to glow underneath the streetlights, and they just made it more obvious of where all the softly blowing snow was. All of it was loose and made you wish winter was still the season, though since it was spring you hoped that it would all melt soon. You weren’t at all built for the cold and Karkat hates your cold feet. He refuses to cuddle you if you just came in and are freezing, though he does show you mercy in the forms of hot drinks and warmed blankets after hot showers.

You ponder over the scenery before realising you just stopped walking and quickly started to walk again. Your mind goes back to what you and your friends forgot. It was nearly three whole years of your life, no exactly three years. None of you can recall any of the events that happened in those three years, or rather, what happened before you were ‘here’.

‘Here’ being a planet that was so similar to both of the trolls and humans’ planets, though it was still different enough you knew you weren’t on either Earth or Alternia. You can remember that trolls weren’t on earth, and the trolls knew humans weren’t on Alternia, but no one could remember how the two planets merged together. But it had either way, trolls roamed freely, the hemospectrum all the trolls remembered being basically worthless now. It did show who were more likely to have certain powers though. It was helpful in that respect, but thankfully the weird hemophobia things was no more. You were quite happy to learn Karkat could go out freely wearing red without worrying about being culled. Of course there were certain phobias that persisted, but most of the time they were easily ignored and brushed off. No need for any of that shit when most of the monarchs are of such minorities.

Even though no one remembers how any of them got to this strange planet, really no one minds. It’s quite odd now that you think about it. You normally would think everyone would freak out and try to figure out what the fuck was happening. Of course, some of you were trying to figure it out, but a fair majority of you didn’t mind much. A weird part of you felt more relieved than scared, more relaxed instead of anxious. Almost like this place was miles better than where you were before. All you remember is earth, and while your life on earth was far from ideal, an abusive guardian and hidden feelings, you can’t really find a reason you would miss it. After all you still have all the friends from before, and none of them are hurt or anything. You know though, that your friends miss their own guardians, though most of them are content with their 'new' siblings.

Yes, new. You know for a fact on your old earth, your brother was not a few years older than you, but about 20 years older. And Jade knew her grandpa was dead, and Rose knew her mom was a neglectful drunk. Jane also had a new addition, your best friend John. He was technically her dead poppop, while to him she was his dead nanna? It was confusing, but now they decided to go as siblings under their father. Though Jane says it was definitely the same man from before the time gap, but John never said anything of his own father so you assume it's his dad too. Now though, you had a much nicer brother who seemed to consciously try not to be an abusive dick, Jade had a new grandpa who was much younger, but definitely not dead. And Rose had a very nice, if eccentric, young mom who used to be an alcoholic but quit cold turkey sometime in the missing three years. And Jane and John both have suddenly young and alive grandparents.

For you personally though, it helps having Karkat around. He was a huge part of why you were so happy with your new life too. Sure you loved your new extended family too, but you liked having someone to love romantically. It wasn’t like you were dependant on him though, it was more or less “I love you and I would rather not have to be a million trillion light years apart cause space is a bitch and it would take too long to travel to just hug so this new thing is better just cause we don’t have to deal with bullshit long distance stuff.”

 

Back on topic though, none of you really understand but few care enough to search for the answers. They all experience the same thing as you, the weird absence of the years lost but also relief that they were over. None of you know what was so bad about those three years, but if they were anything like the nightmares you faced, they weren’t pretty. A large black dog flying around killing your closest friends and the grief you didn’t let yourself feel when your guardian died. You don’t know if you should feel grief for the man who abused you, and though Karkat tried his best to help, still did, you still don’t know the answer. You also see a large orange bird, that looked a lot like you somehow, and Jade with white dog ears smiling, and then being pitch black with green electricity bouncing off her and then protecting her even though she was already dead. You saw John being killed by the large dog only to rise again as a god and. By the time you get to anything to record the dreams, they all have faded. Like something was trying to keep you from remembering.

If the terror you feel right when you wake up, the feeling of a thirteen year old you throwing his own body out of a window with shaking hands and blood soaking  his clothes, you don’t want to remember. After three years of having the nightmares you've come to accept they probably won't go away.

You walk through the fresh snow, kicking the fluffy stuff. You are tempted to make a snow ball, since you lived years in Texas with little exposure to snow, and then the three years where you don’t see snow in your nightmares, you think maybe you’ve earned it since you’ve never felt the joys of a snowball fight. You think about getting Jade and Rose into this, and maybe even the trolls. Everyone needs to be in on this fantastically planned snowball fight. You bring out your phone to tell Karkat of your amazing plan, but also asking if anyone found out anything new.

A couple people of your friend group were trying to find out what happened in those three years none of you remembered. You, Rose and Jade weren’t too interested, though you all keep up with the updates to see if anything new was found. So far there have only been dead ends so far. No real evidence of what could or couldn’t have happened. It's been about three years since you came 'here', so none of you are sure if you'll ever get the answers you crave.

Your other close friend, one you sadly forget about often, John wanted nothing to do with the research. Though he did ask a few questions about the research and how it was going before vanishing like the wind.

After you all ‘woke up’ you were saddened to find that John grew distant. It had been so gradual at first, you don't think any of you really thought much of it. He didn’t message as much as he used to, and most conversations were getting shorter and shorter. He started to decline offers to hang out, and if he did come he didn’t act like himself. John had always been so carefree and oblivious, he cared a lot for you and his other friends, but he didn’t pull punches. He was a dick sometimes, but he would always apologise if he was unnecessarily harsh or if he took it too far. Same with his pranks; they were old fashion as fuck but charming because of it. Last you saw of him though, he was meek and rarely said anything. If he did it was soft and hesitant. He always seemed on edge and careful over what he said Definitely far from what he was like before. It was weird to see, but also worrying.

It worried you all, none of you knew why John started growing distant and rarely ever tried to interact with you all. But you all were so busy with life, you forgot about John. You felt especially bad about it since he was your best friend. You should’ve tried harder to keep him in your life. So what if he was different. He wouldn’t just abandon you guys if you were to change. Instead, you were a bad friend and just let him fade away with the internal promise of “You’ll call him later!” Later never came though, with dates and hang outs, and taking care of a kingdom you apparently rule.

You decide right there that you will invite John over tomorrow. Maybe just the two of you for once, last time he seemed reluctant to join in last time when it was a large group of you and your friends.

Soon, you noticed you walked by the theatre when you were so deep in thought. You turned and walked quickly back, no you definitely didn’t run and hope Karkat didn’t see you. He was used to your stupid shenanigans so it was unlikely he’d say a word of it.

You can’t help the sheepish smile on your face when you walk in and look over at Karkat, you give him a kiss and a “Hey Babe”, laying on your accent thick for him. It was a dorky move but you could tell it stopped him from getting too mad at you over walking right past the theatre. Honestly you’re certain you’ve done worse things in your time of dating him.

You attempt to lead him to the ticket booth to swoon him over by purchasing the tickets, even though as said before you both are rolling in the boons, before Karkat stopped you and lead you to concessions instead.

“I already bought our tickets since you were too busy wandering around like a day old grub who was dropped the moment it was picked up after hatching, still covered in slime and without a lusus. “ Karkat went on, you only just being able to keep a stupid grin off your face. Waht, you can’t help the fact you get sappy over your boyfriend buying the tickets.

“Awww, babe you do care” You try with an exaggerated tone, fluttering your eyes even though the effect was lost because of your shades. “You know I am a dainty lady and must be handled with the utmost ca-.”  You are forcibly stopped by a pair of lips on your own and you are more than okay with this development.

“Shut up you underdeveloped brain cell I wanna get a good seat” Karkat said, just barely parting from your own lips before turning and going to order all the junk food both your little hearts desired before dying from being congested by too much cholesterol and you must live a sad life of no bacon. You don’t even like bacon that much but it will still be a tragedy enough to write sonnets over.

You and Karkat but a ransoms worth of junk food and head to the appropriate theatre after five minutes of awkward adjusting and cursing to carry your loot and hand over the tickets to be ripped.  Needless to say the guard was less than amused when you handed it over between your teeth, though they still took them because they were probably done with everyone’s shit. Too much shit to handle for only a couple of boons an hour.

After that debacle was over and done with, you and Karkat go to the theatre and find a seat in the back. You’re pretty pleased with the fact you won what time to go to the theatre. Karkat had to agree going when there was less people made it infinitely easier to make out without making anyone too annoyed. Not that you really cared, but you try to be courteous of others. No one wants to go to a movie only to be interrupted by a couple of rude boys making out in the back row. It’s nearly as annoying and irritating as someone talking loudly on their phone at the sad parts of some dumb tragedy movie.

 

Thankfully for your make out plans, the movie is not a tragedy and instead a pile of shittiness and thus, you doubt Karkat would care if you interrupted the viewing with make outs. It was a good kind of shitty though, so you might have to come to it later with friends to make fun of it and laugh over the stupid plot. For now though, you want make outs and nothing will stop you from achieving them, shitty movies be damned.

You were glad when Karkat was more than willing to make out, since this probably wasn’t his brand of crap. If he was actually into it, like genuinely, you might have to question your boyfriend’s choices in movies, but that would’ve also meant no make outs for you. Karkat was always serious when he said no make outs during movies. You learnt that when he bit your lips and accidentally made it bleed. He said sorry, but you got the picture. It was mostly your fault for it anyway.

When you were kissing Karkat however, you felt your phone start to vibrate with a call. You’re thankful that you always have it on silent, since that would’ve been a different brand of rude if it went off really loudly in the middle of a movie. You actually can’t remember the last time it was on anything but silent, but oh well. It was probably a reason you were so bad at responding to friends. Karkat actually sometimes got messages asking if you somehow killed your phone with how rare you respond. You feel a bit bad honestly, but also you can’t ever remember to turn it on.

You have killed phones before but normally when that happens, Karkat sends a mass text so no one worries too much about it.

Your phone continues to go off, but you are in the middle of something so it can’t be that important. Life really has no real problems so far, besides your lost memories, so you feel safe in saying it can’t be important.

Once your phone stopped, you and Karkat were still together, it started up once more. You ignore it again, not wanting to break apart of Karkat just yet. When it goes off again you finally part, you turn it off, then go back to it. It was just Rose, it can’t have been too important. She likes to call sometimes to gush about her girlfriends because she is just that gay.

Little did you know, it was a very important call. So important in fact, the fact you didn’t answer would make everything a bit worse later.

Once the movie was over and you and Karkat were finished making out like the world depended on it, you turn on your phone and check out the notifications and woah. Those were a lot of calls and texts. A quick scan of the texts show very angry ‘why aren’t you answering’ and a ‘Dave answer your fucking phone you have it for a reason’ and then ‘John is in the hospital and we don’t know if he’ll make it’

Wait what. That one got your attention. You clicked on Jane’s name, scolding yourself for ignoring it before.

gutsyGumshoe started messaging turntechGodhead at 22:45:

GG: Dave, Rose said she couldn’t get a hold of you. Please answer, John’s in the hospital and we aren’t sure if he’ll be okay or not.  
GG: For god sake Dave, answer us!  
GG: I refuse to give you the full story until you come.  
GG: At least answer Rose, she is as worried as I am and you certainly aren’t helping with your sudden decision of absence.    
GG: Dave come to (Hospital Name) when you get this. Maybe Jade will show you mercy and let you come up and update you.

gutsyGumshoe stopped messaging turntechGodhead at 23:01.

You were planning on seeing John tomorrow; patch up months of ignoring and accidental forgetting, but you didn’t think you might not even get to see him again.

Your chance of patching up months of mistakes and bad decisions might have been taken right under your nose. You quickly scroll through Rose’s messages, all of them clearly frantic and not much attention placed on them. You could only guess Jane gave the responsibility to Rose after having to deal with John. You still don’t know what happened though. You can't believe Rose was too worried and preoccupied to actually notice she never told you. 

Only that John is not okay.

You stare at your phone before bolting from the theatre and to the nearest hospital. You would never admit to the tears that were in your eyes, the worry and anxiety over how your dear friend was doing, and the fact next time you see him, he might not even be alive. Don't think that Dave, you try and convince yourself he will be fine. That he was just pulling a mean prank on everyone for forgetting about him.

Oh god you forgot about him.

Karkat followed close behind, since he was John’s friend too, and he cared deeply for the man. They were close friends before drifting much like you and John. You couldn’t quite think of it though, the only thing going through your mind being John John John.

When you get to the hospital and try to sort out the whole ordeal with if you could go in, since you weren’t family but king of the Troll kingdom so they were going to check with other family to see if it was okay. You honestly couldn’t care less. You just stared at this cute little calendar on the desk, and the date on it.

You are the worst friend. It is you.

The date reads April 13, 20XX, the day of your best friend’s birth, and it appears, the day he might die.


End file.
